Its been sometimes since I have started to blog. To improve my english was the very first reason where i wish to started blogging, as the times goes by...I realize it could be a diary to me as well, that I can record down every step that i have taken, and than I started to feel that I'm not those people who can confess to everybody of my thought around me, so I have hardly to blog nowadays...Its really been awhile since the last post I ever did. And now, I feel like the blog is just a 3rd dimension trash can, which you could throw all your good, bad memories into it and there will be always a space for you.
Somewhere before Chinese new year of 2011, there some bad thing happened on me in my previous company which have triggered me to take up the offer that have been long waited me. Monday of this week, was the joining of mine in this new company. Everybody where looking at me with some weird look shown on their face, no matter where I go in this industrial. The question is always asked " how old are you ? you look so young. " I hate this question. Which make me feel that i have been underestimated. Or is this the only impression I could ever provide to all of you? But one day, I shall let you feel proud to have known me with my achievement.
And it is almost a year since I have shift over to here, its a new working, living environment, but so far I think that I have manage to over come this trouble. The problem is that I'm just too anti social, and the city is just too big that make me have to describe myself as a atom instead of dust as usual. And these atoms is always side by side to create something big, its only one word "tight" to describe the life like this, it is not comfortable at all, I look into my contact, there a lot of name appear to be, but I always imagine...If one day, there is something happened on me, will there a single one I could rely on except my family ? This is totally not comfortable! is this because of my anti social has become anti comfortable ? And so on the happiness and everything around me ? Last time I use to answer everything with a smile on my face, but I feel like smile of mine have long gone, its no more sincere. Its because I have grown up ? or the true smile need to combine with naive only could be pronounce as sincere ?
For me, its happened to be gaming was the shelter for me, I could stop my complicated tropical monsoon mind while I'm gaming, but while ago I have make up my mind to stop myself from addicted to it, so I could focus on my career. But the worst thing is the more you thought about it, the more its come back to you. Its always a contra effect behind it, is that I have used the wrong way or what the law of attraction effect? Something happened on me and make it feel wanna flee from the realistic, and lost of the proper time to rest. And there is non from the contact that could ever consult me or just even sharing. And made my respective gaming activities has convert into very unhealthy to rely on, it make me hardly to drag myself back to the realistic. And the rest option is to plug-in my hard disc, let the music play non stop, and stop me from thinking when i going to sleep. Its totally unhealthy activities i going through recently.
If it is possible there somebody could read me. Those around me, some are too old to handle all this small matters, some are too young to talk about all this stuff, and the rest is I don't really look up for their suggestions. I wonder will it one day I'll be reported sudden death in front of the computer as youngster non stop gaming and I'm stored too much within me and my mind burst off.
Sometimes it just fine to being alone. To have some kind of travelers life, just passing by without left over a single trace, The bag pack is the only thing left be lost. That is just fine...It is just too good to being naive.
Wish my day gonna be good.
bye than, have a nice day =P
Posts
